How does a parent change? First by trusting their adolescent children enough to allow them certain freedoms. This is not as easy as it sounds, however, for a parent must also see if an adolescent is indeed responsible enough to abide by rules agreed upon. There should be a gradual letting go of control for every display of responsibility. Little by little, as teenagers show that they can manage, their parents need to let go.
But some parents say they are willing to let go, but are not able to actually do it. The mother of a 17 year old girl, who is enthusiastic about being her daughter’s friend. But when her daughter told her about a prank she pulled on a classmate, she criticized her and told her that what she had done was wrong.
Instead of criticizing, blaming, or judging the teenaged daughter reach her own conclusion about her action.
Another example—the curfew. She says a worried parent should express not only anger but also the concern behind the anger. A parent must be able to tell the child the difficulty of having to wait up for someone, not knowing if harm has come to him.
Parents can ask their children for help. They can tell their children. Tell me how to be a better mother to you. Correct me when I hurt you. I am frustrated when I don’t know what time you’re coming home, or I am worried sick when you don’t come home as agreed because I care for your safety. These may even help teenagers understand the parents’ point of view.
Indeed, it takes a mature and educated parents to successfully raise an adolescent. But it can also be really simple. To sum it up: Listen, understand, and withhold judgment. – George T. Amurao
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